Some old, some new

[brandonw_395]

They’re Back! Church Bulletins: Thank God for church
ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually
appeared in church bulletins or were announced in
church services:

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

The sermon this morning: “Jesus Walks on the Water”
The sermon tonight: “Searching for Jesus.”

Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday
at 8 PM in the
recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance
to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house.
Don’t forget your husbands.

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been
canceled due to a conflict.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our
community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say
“Hell” to someone who doesn’t care much about you.

Don’t let worry kill you off – let the Church help.

Miss Charlene Mason sang “I will not pass this way
again,” giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

For those of you who have children and don’t know it,
we have a nursery downstairs.

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir.
They need all the help they can get.

Jane remains in the hospital and needs blood donors
for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and
requests tapes of Msgr. D’s homilies.

The Bishop will preach his farewell message after
which the choir will sing: Break Forth Into Joy.”

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on
October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that
began in their school days.

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday
evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will
be “What Is Hell?”
Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the
addition of several new members and to the
deterioration of some older ones.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other
items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple
children.

Please place your donation in the envelope along with
the deceased person you want remembered.

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super
entertainment and gracious hostility.

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM – prayer and
medication to follow.

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of
every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday
afternoon.

This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in
the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and
come prepared to sin !

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10
AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship
Hall after the B. S. is done.

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the
congregation would lend him their electric girdles for
the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7
PM. Please use the back door.

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s
Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The
congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First
Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at
the side entrance.

The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new
tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: “I Upped My
Pledge – Up Yours “

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